A Numbers Game

Dear Scale,
For years you have been in control. In control of my mood, my self-esteem, and my vision.
You have also been a source of constant self abuse, doubt and an internal dialogue filled with nothing but harsh words and criticism.
So with that being said, I am making things official and breaking up with you. You are no longer going to control my life, my mind or how I perform on a daily basis.
This year is about new beginnings and I am okay starting this next chapter in my life without you.

Sincerely,
A mom, an athlete, and a woman who no longer wants to play the “numbers game”

For as long as I can remember I have struggled finding happiness with the way I look.
Growing up I was surrounded by naturally thin and athletic brothers and sisters. While I did play sports and spent 16 years doing dance, I always felt like I was “bigger” than everyone else.
In high school and college I wrote on sticky notes with reminders of what my “goal weight” should be. I truly thought that if I obtained this number I would be happy.
I did succeed in reaching that goal weight but all I felt was weak and hungry. Needless to say the number on the scale went back up and I was back at critiquing and picking at my image and diet.
Now fast forward to where we are today where I still find myself going through this vicious cycle all over again. However, this time I have officially had it. I am tired of comparing my body to others and of chasing down numbers only to be unsatisfied with the results.

I have accomplished so much in the last 4 years and I want to start celebrating the accomplishments instead of being disappointed with something that really plays no role in who I am as a person or what I am able to do as a mom and athlete.

I am no longer 200+ lbs.
I have lost all the baby weight from two pregnancies and have gone from active to athlete.
I have have run the Boston Marathon.
I have done triathlons and finished well in my age group.
I am a mom to two amazing children and a wife to an incredible husband, and they all love me just the way I am.

Now I know the struggle with body image is nothing new. In fact it seems even more prevalent today than ever before, but it is a struggle. And it is hard to overcome. I wish it was easy to not define myself by what I see on the scale or to not constantly be counting calories and analyzing every little thing that I eat.
The only thing I can do going forward is to take things day by day . To approach food in a healthier manner, looking at it as fuel for my goals and dreams. To base my self esteem off of how I feel and how my clothes fit instead of what the scale says.
I am hoping these small but positive changes will find me some peace and set an example for my kids when it comes to this issue.

Our bodies are incredible and as an athlete I am always amazed at what I am able I put my body through and how well it responds to the constant demands I put on it.

So here’s to chasing finishing times instead of weight goals and focusing on food and fitness as a lifestyle instead of a way to defeat calories and fit into the mold of what the ideal female body should look like. But most of all here’s to feeling happy and beautiful inside and out!!!